I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize
