I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
