so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
Randomize
