I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
Error 1684C: You're last text was undeeliverable. Subscriber is our to the aera.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Randomize
