you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
