Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
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