take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
i out mim tonsoeep
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