I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
