tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
pray to the hookup gods
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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