Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
