do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
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