how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
Just puked most of my soul out..
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
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