It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
