Sry I called you an 8
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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