Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Randomize