If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
