i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
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