my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
Randomize