I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
