The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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