ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Randomize
