i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
Randomize
