why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
Randomize
