I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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