Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
Randomize