How long until YT realizes that it's a man?
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
