I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Randomize
