I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
Randomize
