I puked a lego.
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
Randomize
