I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
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