if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Randomize
