Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
he laminated a picture of his dick.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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