but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize