Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Randomize
