the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
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