Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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