so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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