I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Randomize
