They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
