I'm gonna have a badass scar
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
How's work?
Spinning.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
You can't just leave with hair like that
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Randomize
