It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Randomize