you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Randomize
