wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Randomize
