nut hugger
Taylor Swift is so right about you.
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
