Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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