Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
I'm just crazy horny about you
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
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