I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
This house was built for laser tag.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
