I can't breathe out the right side of my face
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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