when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
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