My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
Randomize
