Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
So gin and wine won't be happening again
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Randomize
