how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Randomize
