we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
