she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
