I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Randomize
