I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
Randomize
