Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
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