I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
Too much gin, very little bucket
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
