My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
Randomize
