Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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