...so i touched it.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Randomize
