quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Randomize
