I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
