you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
