thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
I wish i was in the wii world.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
