If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
If I had your ass I would rule the world
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
