Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
