so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
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