y did u give ur computer a hand job?
she was so not down for the gang bang
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
