At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
