I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
