i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
I just had sex on a roof
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
Randomize
