Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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