The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Randomize
