can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
You pole danced in your parka.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
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