I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Randomize
