so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
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