She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
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