FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Randomize
