Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Randomize
