it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Randomize
