i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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