I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
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