Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
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