dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
Randomize
