I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Randomize
