I think I just saw someone hide a body.
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
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