no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
