Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
