why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
