Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
You're a waste of cheezeits
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
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