I hope mine doesn't look like that
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
Randomize
