i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
As shirtless as possible
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize
