I never want to see another naked old woman again.
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Randomize
