Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
Randomize
