I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
God, I missed his penis.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize