I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Randomize
