So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Randomize
