I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Randomize
