she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
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