i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
