Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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